Sunday, November 21, 2010

Adoption and the our Family

Since it is Adoption Month...
I feel a strong need to post about our family and how adoption has touched our lives!!!

Ken and I always knew we wanted kids...
we, like everyone else, assumed we would have them...
ha~ I laugh at that now because
it was the biggest problem EVER!!!
we went through years of fertility treatments
I had NUMEROUS surgeries and in office procedures
and I loss count how many miscarriages we experienced
Finally it clicked..
I woke up from an emergency surgery because of a bi-tubal pregnancy and
I said...
we are adopting...
and so our journey to Drew began...
 We adopted Drew through an agency in Houston.
It was not without some ups and downs BUT the end result was...
I became a MOM and Ken was a Dad-O!!!
Many people tell us..
OH that little boy sure is LUCKY!!!
I think...
Ken and I
and our whole family
are the LUCKY ones!!!

I do not think LUCK
had anything to do with it!!!
I would lay awake at night praying that God would
grant MY WISH
to be a mom
and he did!!!
Ken and I went through OVER
6 years of infertility treatments
and UNDER a year
from start of paperwork to BABY DREW
of adoption process!!!
It was meant to be!!!
Our road in life was to adopt!!!
He set these plans for us...
Jenna and Joey and Drew were in our plans!!!
It was LUCK it was FAITH
 it was a BLESSING!!!

Adoption has touched our lives in ways we never imagined...
Drew has made our house a home!!!
Our whole family is blessed by the decision of Jenna and Joey!!!

 I keep mentioning Joey and Jenna because without their courageous and unselfish decision
I would not have Drew!!!
He is the world to us!!!
We know that if we were able to give birth right now
 (that would be a miracle considering my plumbing was removed this Summer)
 that our love would NOT
be any less or any more
because we ABSOLUTELY adore this little boy and LOVE him with EVERY ounce possible.
We treat him and love him like he is our own FLESH!!!
He is my baby as much as he is Jenna's
He is Kenny's son as much as he is Joey's
 Jenna and Joey will FOREVER be apart of our family!!!
They might not be at our Thanksgiving Dinner or at our Christmas gatherings
Ken and I do consider them apart of our family!!!
We think of them often and thank them for their gift!!!
Do you see how we are the "LUCKY" ones???

 Jenna chose me!!!
Jenna could have picked
any of those other Adopting Family Books
and she chose OURS!!!

Still not sure WHY???
It is the greatest gift that anyone could receive!!!


I would like to take a little time to comment about how it is
important to support couples experiencing infertility issues......
I can't begin to tell you how many times I heard someone tell us..
something really stupid!!!
I know they were not trying to be stupid or hurtful
but sometimes it was.
Don't tell infertile couples...

* OH it took me and (so and so) (x amount of) years to finally have (your cute baby's name)
instead say...
is there anything I can do??? or do you want to talk about it?

 * OH you can always adopt...
it has a negative connotation attached to it...
and it is not a negative thing...
like it is a last resort or something and to BE HONEST it took us a LONG time to get to that point
to finally say OK we are done
WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH of all of these treatments
 instead say...
So what are your options???
REALLY you probably don't want to bring the topic up at all because being infertile you feel isolated and you don't want to have someone else bring it up

* OH as soon as you stop thinking about it... you'll get pregnant
OK as soon as Kenny and I decided we wanted babies we thought about it everyday of our LIVES
you can't stop stressing about it when everywhere you look there are pregnant people, babies, baby commercials.... BABIES ARE EVERYWHERE people... and when you are on the track to get pregnant it TAKES OVER your life...
instead say....
nothing...let them bring the topic up
just be a good friend / loved one and listen

* YOU KNOW as soon as you adopt you'll get pregnant
not true and really less than 8% actually have this happen
instead say...
OH congrats I am so HAPPY for YOU that you are adopting!!!!

when the child is adopted don't ask
*who is the mother and father
the people that adopted the baby are THE mother and father...
they might not be the BIOLOGICAL mother and father BUT none the less they are THE MOM AND DAD
instead ask...
do you know anything about the BIRTH parents
also don't say...

*How could his/her parents give them up???
REALLY? I have had people say this...
they didn't give them up!!!!
the birth parents chose a better path for their baby than they could provide
and they PLACED them
instead say...
oh ALL of you are so blessed

and PLUS if you say that above stupid thing...
if that birth parent had not "given up" that child your friend would not be a MOM and/or DAD

ALSO be careful when talking about your pregnancy in front of friends/coworkers who might be experiencing infertility issues because it is insensitive...
it would be like me talking about my awesome marriage while you are going through a NASTY divorce or me talking about how great and wonderful my parents are and you just lost yours...
does that make sense???

the only reason I brought this topic up
is because I was once in a VERY DARK place
about not being able to give birth to a biological child and
these same things would just rip me up inside...
i know my friends and family LOVE LOVE LOVE me
but unless you go through it
you don't get it
and so just be careful about what you say

I can now say
(with a HUGE grin on my face and tears rolling down my cheeks)
that I am no longer in that DARK place
Jen and Joey's decision
showed me the way out...
DREW was my medicine...
Being a MOM made me WHOLE again!!!

I can now go to baby showers without crying
I can listen to my friends and coworkers talk about their morning sickness and swelling
I can do all these things NOW!!!
NO PROBLEM...because I am a MOM (((SMILING)))

Adoption is a blessing
and for some strange reason has some
negativity associated with it...
Do not judge the birth families for placing their children
with adoptive parents.
That is not your job..
your job is to support their decision
for what ever reason that may be and to LOVE LOVE LOVE them.
That decision was not an easy one and they need your prayers and support!!!

When I was growing up...
I dreamed of my wedding and my husband and my kids and my home.

Did I have my dream wedding...
of PINK PINK PINK like Steel Magnolias
HECK NO because that was not what I wanted when I was 20 something
I had lavender and silver WITH NO BOWS AND ROSES

Did I marry the man of my dreams?
Well when I was little I wanted to marry a New Kid on the Block
SO we ALL know that didn't happen
BUT I did marry the man of my dreams... KENNY
he is the BESTEST hubby I could ever ask for!!!

Do I live in my dream house...
well let's see
when I was little I wanted to live in a Barbi Dream house or the house in Dallas..
OK so that too is a NO
BUT I do live in a home that is filled with LOVE LAUGHTER and JOY
so what else could I ask for

Do I have the kids I dreamed of
YES I do
because when you are little you don't care if your kid is the
stuffed doll with the plastic head and the eyeballs roll back in its head when you lay it down
the Cabbage Patch Kid
(still have it)
so YES
YES I do
have the kid of my dreams
I might not have taken the traditional path to become a momma
BUT I do have a KID
and I couldn't have DREAMED of a

so as I finally wrap this blog up...
I just want to leave you with this...
ADOPTION is not for everyone
but for those of us that have
experienced it...
or LIVE it...
it is a blessing
a gift
or a
 come true

even though I feel like I have gone to hell and back
once or twice
OK maybe 3 times
I would do it
again knowing that
I would be Drew's

Adoption has touched our lives in the most miraculous way!!!

  I don't need any more wishes because mine already true!!!